akshara concepts

2009-09-05T23:50:00.000+08:00

I've moved guys and my bad
i posted the wrong link,
here's the correct one : )
http://aksharaconcepts.livejournal.com

wonderwall

2009-06-08T18:28:00.003+08:00

All the roads that lead to you were winding

And all the lights that light the way are blinding

There are many things that I would like to say to you

but I don't know how

cause maybe you're gonna be the one who saves me

And after all You're my wonderwall

the past and the future

they dont' matter

the likes and the dislikes

they don't matter

the coulds and the shoulds

they don't matter

cos right now this how i feel

you, my wonderwall

aasaiyin mugam ni

2009-05-21T12:24:00.006+08:00

thaenai maranthuvitta vandum

sirappai maranthuvitta poovum

vaanai maranthirukkum payirum

intha vaiyagam muzhuthum illai thozhi

aval mugam maranthu ponal

intha kangal irandum payanundo?

aasai mugam maranthu poche

ithai yaaridam solvaenadi thozhi?

when everything around you becomes too much to bear

your eyes will tend to close itself in hopes of better days

aanal kanavinilae aval mugam kandu yen udal yerinthathu

kadhalin peyaril yen thuyil kalaitha silarum

visham paaithu vaedikkai kandanar

vishamum veriyum kalanthu uruvaanathu

yen manathinul oru mirugam

" a moment of weakness reflects

your true beauty and my salacious design "

dhyaanathil irantha sivanai mayakki yezhuppiya umayaval pola

un azhagum anbum yen thookathai kalaithu

yen kangalai thiranthathu

mazhaiyil nanainthathu yen manam, aanalum kulir kaayavillai.. kaaranam?

a bitter sweet sensation result of your commitment

to another's heart

unnai ariyamale ni yen manathil pugunthu idam pidithai

doing what made me felt good at that moment

does'nt mean it was the right thing to do

i knew that but yet could not comply

that's when my heart and head declared war

smelling blood, awaken the monster within

eedilla azhagum asaikka mudiyatha anbum

ithai thavira veru yenna vendum?

desiretemptationsfearsparanoiapiscesastrologyjothidamcompatibilitysoulmateagetraumagoals

kuzhappam kandu manam thalara, nigazhnthathai marakka thuvangiyathu

as the brain chanted on screaming to let go, i did what was right

then you made your final move in favour of what was right too

but something went terribly wrong

vendam vendam yendru koochalitta manam

vendum vendum yenna azha thodangiyathu

puyal kaatru thisai maariyathu

manam yaenga thegam yerinthathu

thanimaiyai meendum anaikkum neram manam verutthathu

the cold turkey takes place yet again

but this time the heart mind soul body

is so used to it that it does'nt matter anymore

a matter of time will solve and heal everything

ithai yezhutha kaaranam sogam alla

its just a reminder to me and maybe a key to you

un mael kurai ondrum kaanavillai manam

kuzhanthai manam padaithaval ni, a goddess if not to me

i can only hope for the clouds to clear

and for friendship to shine right through

i'm back to where it all begins again, a void

wondering how many more times will i be tested

but this time its my opportunity to prove to myself

i'm gona do this

i'm gona finish strong

pirava varam thaarum

iraiva marubadi piranthal

un thiruvadi marava varam thaarum;

2009-04-22T13:38:00.000+08:00

where i really need to go now...

2009-04-13T22:36:00.001+08:00

sorry what's that?

COULD YOU SPEAK UP PLEASE!?

2009-04-04T23:52:00.001+08:00

oh no...

2009-03-21T01:16:00.003+08:00

ready to take that fall, a plunge so deep

cos at this moment I'M HAPPY

2009-03-20T10:58:00.002+08:00

sakhyam

to be blessed with a true friend

is a boon presented to a penance of many births

a qualification not many can justify to

thus the reason why it's such a rare gem

let perfection be in the eye of the beholder

for the many watching eyes look on

peering through the cracks in your soul

digging into the weaknesses of your character

waiting for a chance to take you down

in hopes of hiding their own faults

to make them feel stronger

so let it be

hug me tight a warmth in love

take a knife and put it against my skin

the cold blade sending a warning chill

then you start to hack away

only to leave me naked, cold and in gore

yet me eyes will look at you only in compassion

such was the character

but if you keep polishing a stone

pushing its edge for perfection

no sooner will it disintegrate right infront of your face

and then will you regret your actions and miss its presence

so this is the scene

but in the end the one true friend

who has always been there for you

who will be able to judge you in all truth

will be yourself

create a universe within yourself

and then you can take this whole earth

within your palm making it a part of you

there's so much more to life

so much that truly matters and counts

i'm moving forward

saying goodbye has become a habitual skill for me

and here's one for you :)

2009-03-12T14:41:00.002+08:00

but i ain't givin up

indignation

2009-03-07T12:16:00.002+08:00

amidst the "go-with-the-flow" sheep

one stands firm against conformity

it takes much valor to stand up for what you believe in

just cos' others do it, does not make it right

something that i constantly remind myself about

is the fact that when you're prepared to do the right thing

you have to be prepared to do it alone too

i've spent the past 2 years pinning hopes and beliefs on others

good friends i would say

and their failure to deliver took a toll on me

which made me realize that humans are selfish creatures

always weighing their ulterior motives

and my god indians are lazy people who love to talk and not do work

plus recent switches in values of people around me

has induced a venomous disgust in me for them

so like weeds in a padi field i've decided to pluck them out

yea I'm cold and hard

but i believe in god's purpose of existence for everyone one of us

and I'm blessed with a friend, heart of gold

there must be a reason why things happened this way

there must be a reason why i feel this way

21 years of falling down and relentlessly picking myself up

will not go to waste

the question right now is

ARE YOU GOING TO FINISH STRONG?

2009-03-04T12:00:00.002+08:00

i would like to apologize to those who actually read my blog

i know lately it's been excessively emotional

but NO it does not mean that i'm going through a phase

it's actually me being lazy

i've been using the blog as a channel to vent the negative emotions

not a good idea i realized

other than that i've been too much of a sloth to update on the happenings

or share a view or 2

which i promise i will pretty soon

at this very moment i'm good

its almost a year since i started taking percussion seriously

latin afro and indian

it's been good and i've gone places, god's will

but it's time to take it to the next level

let's just see how it works out

but for this year it's alot of observing and learning

gandharva plan

2009-03-03T13:59:00.006+08:00

you asked me whether i used you

but i keep wondering if its the other way round

at the moment i'm sorting out the mess

my tolerance and give-a-shit level is at its lowest

ask my friend, she'll tell you

but somehow my dads always been giving valuable advice at the right time

and ragu's presence is invaluable

this weeks plan: voodoo and my room

2009-03-02T10:37:00.001+08:00

Skin head, dead head

Everybody gone bad

Situation, aggravation

Everybody allegation

In the suite, on the news

Everybody dog food

Bang bang, shot dead

Everybody's gone mad

Beat me, hate me

You can never break me

Will me, thrill me

You can never kill me

Jew me, sue me

Everybody do me

Kick me, kike me

Don't you black or white me

All I wanna say is that

They don't really care about us

2009-02-24T20:44:00.006+08:00

asai mugam maranthu poche

ithai yaaridam solvenadi thozhi

nesamum marakkavillai nenjam

yenil ninaivu mugam marakkalamo

asai mugam maranthu poche

ithai yaaridam solvenadi thozhi?

these things have happened too fast

in a blur yet so real but only cos i know this feeling

i've felt it before

now then never i need time

sudden reaction of mixed emotions has left a void

the implications of your decisions

honestly, it may never be the same

but i think that doesn't matter

cos that's what this is all about

there's alot inside me now but

ithai yaaridam solvenadi thozhi?

2009-02-23T19:19:00.002+08:00

MAHA SHIVA RATHIRI

tomorrow's exam

so i'll be home

but the prayer's the same as every year

shivoham

2009-02-23T16:59:00.001+08:00

epiphany;

you remind me of her

and that's the only reason why

a bit late eh?

2009-02-22T23:42:00.000+08:00

ok so here's the deal;

i'm super disappointed in you brother

cos i took you as a role model

it just goes to show a few things

never put someone up on a pedestal

and never lie to yourself

which brings me to the point about being who you are

if you're a flirtatious bitch be one

don't proclaim innocence tainted by society

it's quite sickening to actually believe in someone's purity

only to be made look like a fool

sexcapades

it's become such a common thing

honestly is it that hard to be faithful?

is it that hard to keep your virginity intact

this isn't random, i just hear too many stories

people choose to give their bodies first rather than their hearts

sorry but i just can't digest that

i'm wondering when i turn 25 how many virgin girls are gona be left man

seriously

2009-02-19T23:28:00.002+08:00

its okay

its alright

so what's new?

dysphoria =)

2009-02-18T18:55:00.002+08:00

i really hate exam periods

sucks the life out me

kept it in for the past few months

but its all gone now

akshara under construction

2009-02-18T11:42:00.005+08:00

at this very moment

i'm very worn out by everything that has happened

i've silently watched as others paraded

about themselves and about others

how great they are, or think they are

been in the middle of triangles

but in all i've stayed a silent observer

i've assessed and picked out what i need

yet every time i try to instill

i somehow fail or get distracted

worse is the feeling of being stabbed by ungrateful people

frankly i'm tired

it would be nice to have someone to knock some sense into me

or a few reassuring words would do

but no time for that

the concoction should be ready soon

no sugar no spice

just every single damn thing i've seen and experienced

but somehow i just cant get it all together

horoscope

2009-02-16T00:01:00.001+08:00

Attractive personality.sexy.

Affectionate.Shy and reserved.

Secretive.

Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic.

Loves peace and serenity.

Sensitive to others.

Loves to serve others.

Easily angered. Trustworthy.

Appreciative and returns kindness.

Observant and assesses others.

Revengeful.

Loves to dream and fantasize.

Loves traveling.

Loves attention.

Hasty decisions in choosing partners.

Loves home decors. Musically talented.

Loves special things.

Moody.

2009-02-15T23:35:00.001+08:00

omfg its bloody hot

2009-02-14T00:41:00.001+08:00

god help

i really need a guru

a guidance a role model a mentor

someone

2009-02-13T17:11:00.009+08:00

silence focus

2009-02-12T17:05:00.001+08:00

omg wtf a wet one

the advent of sandhya

2009-02-11T16:35:00.009+08:00

"Shaaman paiyan tere bina tu gher aa sohniya..."

As the evening brings on the darkness of the night, the bright days are over. Dysphoria settles around everywhere without you and i request my beloved you come back home soon. For it is in this cross road that melancholy prances around as i await the advent of sandhya.

p.s;

sandhya in sansrit means evening

blame simple coincidence

2009-02-08T01:32:00.002+08:00

words twisted to look like flowers bestowed yet with dark motives

are no less equal to a cheap pick up line

my words metamorphosed into poems by your will shall be meant for you

i don't see any greater glory than that

for none whom is deserving i have come across

and now that i look back i realise

my cause noble and will strong

for in kindness and love as soft as a flower

yet in principles as loud as thunder shall it be

i have no reason to bow down and surrender to fate

this is what i mean by i had enough

mother

2009-02-08T00:09:00.008+08:00

Uyirum neeye udalum neeye thaaye

Thann udalil sumandhu Uyirai pagirndhu Uruvam tharuvaai neeye

Un kannil vazhiyum oru thuli pothum kadalum muzhugum thaaye

Un kaaladi mattum tharuvai thaaye Sorgam yenbathu Poiyye

Pennai Padaithan Mannai Padaithan Katrum Oliyum Mazhaiyum Padaithaan

Boomikku athanal nimmathi illai

Saami Thavitthan Thaayai Padaithan

translate;

The very life, the very form, the very relationship that is you Mother

You took care of me in your womb sharing your life and soul

so that i could attain this form

A drop of tear from your is enough to make the ocean overflow

Your lotus feet are enough to make me believe that heaven is a myth

God created MAN and the 5 elements

Because of which there was no peace on Earth and God suffered

thus he created MOTHER

a mother's love

cannot be matched by anything in this entire universe

this is what my heart yearns for

what my soul burns for

the reason for me to begin this journey

and the destination that this journey awaits to reach

the unconditional love that pulls me towards it

that seems so near yet so intangible

the only thing that god forgot to endow me with

why?

2009-02-07T23:58:00.000+08:00

Uyirum Neeye - AR Rahman feat shaman

2009-02-05T15:07:00.001+08:00

rose on the grave

2009-02-05T14:46:00.004+08:00

There used to be a graying tower alone on the sea

You became the light on the dark side of me

Love remained a drug that's the high and not the pill

But did you know that when it snows

My eyes become larger and the light that you shine can be seen

There is so much a man can tell you

So much he can say

You remain

My power my pleasure my pain

To me you're like a growing addiction that i can't deny

Won't you tell me is that healthy baby?

I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grave

The more i get of you the stranger it feels yeah

And now that your rose is in bloom

A light hits the gloom on the grave.

That that feels so wrong, feels so right too

that i need to get pricked by thorns

just to reach the rose i do realize

The faster the heart beats the more the head thinks

maybe at the wrong time too

moments of cruciality drugged by your presence

I could give you the world i know if i wanted to

but would that mean destroying a part of me

like how it always has been

the 3 spokes of the devils pitch fork

become the thorns that separate this union

I have patience i shall wait for time to unravel the truth

till then you shall remain a rose on the grave

2009-01-30T02:00:00.003+08:00

when you give up everything that you had
and everything that you could have
just so that you could do the right thing
you're gona feel lonely and empty
like how it feels now
but the warmth by knowing that what i do is the right thing
has to do for now
it would be nice if i had something to hold on to
but wishing is not going to make it any easier
DISCIPLINE and RESPONSIBILITY
i have to stop being a bum
i have to find MY IDENTITY

2009-01-29T12:56:00.001+08:00

My eyes are open wide
By the way I made it through the day
I watch the world outside
By the way I'm leaving out today
Well I just saw Hayley's comet, she waved
Said "why you always running in place?
Even the man in the moon disappeared
Somewhere in the stratosphere

Please don't cry one tear for me

I'm not afraid of what I have to say

This is my one and only voice

So listen close, it's only for today

Tell my mother, tell my father
I've done the best I can
To make them realize
This is my life
I hope they understand
I'm not angry, I'm just saying
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance

pandit jasraj

2009-01-29T02:44:00.003+08:00

music personified

he vowed not to cut his hair till he became the singer he desired to be

his lust brought under control

but the 5 senses still slip away dancing as wished

the progress is good

he has renunced the way of life that any normal being part takes

for doing the right thing is deemed wrong in this age

impossible?

we shall see.

2008-12-31T10:37:00.002+08:00

Yea it's true that you're the only one

but that's only for now

Yea it's true i did my part to screw up

but only cos you were mastermind

Yea it's true that you're part of me

but i'm changing day by day

I might be strong headed about my love

but then again i'm strong headed about love itself

and i believe in a magical love to come

that will surpass anything and everything that we had

because i stayed true

& you will never change

so i pray that life will treat you well

and i pray that life will never let us cross again.

2008-12-26T04:29:00.001+08:00

listen mr. G-O-D

you prove to me your existence cos i'm sick of searching for you

i'm a gona spend the next one year doing the right thing

and i'm gona be who i wana be

you hear?

gandharva

2008-12-21T04:30:00.000+08:00

i've had enough

plastic dolls & limelights

i'm in search of you

becoming the true gandharva

2008-12-07T19:28:00.002+08:00

Everything's so blurry

Everyone's so fake

Everybody's empty

Everything is so messed up

pre-occupied without you

I cannot live at all

My whole world surrounds you

I stumble then I crawl

But you’ll never take it all away

Tabula rasa

2008-12-07T00:55:00.001+08:00

this is getting unimaginably crazy

i leave it to you

2008-12-03T12:48:00.002+08:00

Krishna Sri Hari Krishna

Jaya Govinda Gopala Krishna Krishna

Nanda Mukunda Govinda Navanita Chora Gopala

Govinda Gopala Gokula Nandana Govinda

Krishna Sri Hari Krishna

2008-12-03T12:00:00.000+08:00

bam bam bam

back to square one.

this time its so freaking hard to get up

weird how i feel so stoned. emotionally

never wanted to be this alone

if you're listening god

i really need help

cos i don't know who to go to

and i don't know where i'm going with this

2008-11-27T01:00:00.002+08:00

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad world Mad world

2008-11-27T00:06:00.000+08:00

Mind Body Soul

worn out and tired.

The back's killing.

The heart's unrest.

The guilt pricks.

I'll let you be who you are,

if you promise to let me be who i am.

In the end, i rather have one who truly cares

then a thousand bystanders.

2008-11-14T09:00:00.000+08:00

saraswati sastra kala maya roopini

charukesi devi ma

vidya vahini buddhi pradayini

bharatha lalitha sri devi

jaya maa

tabula rasa

2008-11-14T00:39:00.005+08:00

So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters
Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
and nothing else matters
Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
and nothing else matters
never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
but I know
nothing else matters

TABULA RASA
1.a mind not yet affected by experiences, impressions, etc.
2. anything existing undisturbed in its original pure state.
3 .an opportunity to start over without prejudice

I'm asking myself now
how long more can i keep this up?
feeling hurting trying denying
god i really want to just let go of everything
not get affected by anything that happens around me
abolish nostalgic moments that hurt
the drive is blurred
by sex love and hate
eliminate melancholy
god show me the way
stop me from thinking and make me do
for the past to be forgotten
and a new tale to be told.

2008-11-13T11:04:00.004+08:00

THIS I SWEAR

2008-11-11T12:07:00.002+08:00

as one door closes
another opens
sometimes i wonder
why these things happen
but i'm happy now
for whats become
amidst this distorted noise
you're a soft melodious hum

2008-11-08T15:10:00.002+08:00

telephone conversation
friendster message
msn offline message
+
scantily clad booty shaking samba dancers
flirtatious bimbotic co-ordinator
+
SUPER Early morning music conversation
=
thiru's confused and needs some time to think.

2008-11-07T13:36:00.003+08:00

happiness is an interval
between two points of sorrow
and although at first i desired happiness
i've come to realise that too much of anything
is poison.
being happy tanslates into less practicality for me
the more angry i feel, the more i want to achieve
the more agony i feel, the more i stay disciplined
maybe the problem is the definition of happiness
i search for mine.

this is for you,
you who's getting closer
you who's becoming an addiction
i need to stay focused,
not because i like you any less
but because the past has cultivated
this paranoia
i was brought up in fear
raised in rejection
and so i have this drive to prove wrong
and i cannot let anything get in my way
yaarum theendaatha thendral ni,
in the end
i want you to be happy.

2008-10-19T23:46:00.002+08:00

rip my heart out and throw it away

cos i've had enough.

2008-10-19T15:02:00.008+08:00

I am a world before I am a man

I was a creature before I could stand

I will remember before I forget

over the weeks whatever happened
changed the way i am now
this is the period where god exists
or atleast i become more aware of him
i become stronger and more focused
and as i stood infront of her chariot
i made those vows, in hope that she would guide
like the tree that provides shade to others
without caring about itself
i've begun to stop telling my problems and worries
keeping it locked inside
throwing them into the fire that burns in my heart
only to let let it burn brighter and higher
the flames keep me warm
i've seen my kindness been betrayed
and i've learnt to give to he who deserves
i've set my sights on the goal
i'm not looking back
and i'm not gona tell you either.

2008-10-19T15:00:00.000+08:00

god i pray
without doubt i am as human as i can get
and as much as i try

my heart, mind and eyes cant help but to wander

i must remind you that i too have feelings

and that i too can fall

but i take this opportunity to thank you

for the friends/band you have given

for they mean everything to me.

in the name of god.

2008-10-11T21:50:00.000+08:00

I stumbled upon these 3 clips, 2 by a Christian from India and one by a westerner.

Watching these clips left me in a state of total confusion. Anger, rage with a need to prove wrong but at the same time to forgive and to understand. Yet more importantly to just ignore such people and not get affected. A very bad concoction I should say.

It’s ok to believe in what you believe, but just don’t look down on what others believe. One person’s mistake should not reflect upon the whole. If your god said love all and at the same time that he’s the only one and the rest are fakes and non believers will go to hell. Hmm really something not right there don’t you think. How ironical.

However I think the problems stems from a bad upbringing and a lack of knowledge. The Indian guy was blabbering utter rubbish that was not factual and his bloody English gosh he ought to be shot. Such a disgrace. As for the American I’ve got nothing much to say about people who conform to almost anything and indulge in inbreeding.

Remind me, that this is what I want to do, what I want to prove.

2008-10-11T21:45:00.001+08:00

2008-10-11T21:45:00.000+08:00

2008-10-11T21:44:00.000+08:00

2008-10-10T02:37:00.002+08:00

As crazy and wrong as it may seem,
I’m still thinking about you, I still feel you with me
Everywhere I go I see you,
Everything I do you’re right there.
I think it just makes it hard when I think of how fast you moved on.
Its left me with a scar that seems so impossible to heal
And now I find it so hard to believe
When they say they do.
Why am I running after the things I want
Only to run away from things that want me.
Oru poiyavadhu sol kannae
Yen kadhal neethan yendru andha sollil uyir vazhvaen
I’ve learnt life lessons my friend.
I’m gona end both your chapters and never look back.

and unselect the sluts

And till the day I live my dreams
I shall never dare to write another chapter in my books

Navarathiri

2008-10-07T15:05:00.002+08:00

What ill remember about this show, is not what happened during the show but rather the events that occured before the show itself. 2 months of hard practise, mind you we've never practised this hard. The many cock-ups. Blood Sweat Tears and no im not exaggerating it's true. But more importantly how the whole thing has bridged the band together. I'm really happy for that reason. I've learnt alot during the course of the 2 months. As for the show itself it had disaster written all over it when no one i invited turned up. That set me thinking too but nvm. Yet again we were saved by the many sai families and india indians that turned up and showed their support. Made me realise the importance of having ur families' support in anything you do. I also want to thank prabhu and naresh from taalmenz for their support.

What's next?

Anbin theivam and mudhal kanave :D

2008-10-07T14:41:00.006+08:00

2008-10-02T16:03:00.004+08:00

i don't wana know, if you're playing me
keep it on the low, cos my heart can't take it anymore.
bleah that's ignorance and i ain't no fool.
its been such a train wreck;
the past years i've seen heard experienced
and the past few weeks have just been crazy.
and the past 2 days the craziest.
and after everything she dedicated unfaithful to me..
honestly how can even the sweetest girls turn out to be such sluts?

I'm aiming for what Jay Z sang, what kumaran's been driving hard at me.

I've got 99 problems, but a BITCH ain't one.

2008-10-01T22:28:00.005+08:00

These people are running off at the mouth

Trying to convince me that I'm running on empty

Trying to convince themselves that they're right

That what im doing is a mistake and I can't take this

Lemme tell you where I'm at with this

You bastards are gonna have to take back that shit

I'm not plastic and fake

When I say things I take facts and lay them out for the masses

You assholes are gonna see soon that I'm not playing

And start asking me the names that I'm not saying

But I'm trying to be bigger than the bickering

bigger than the petty name calling

under the breath talking

rumors and labels and categorization

I'm like a struggling doctor, no patients

But you can say what you want about me

keep talking while I'm walking away

You people are running off at the mouth

Trying to make me take myself off safety

Trying to make my friends turn their backs on the team we built

building up some mistaken information

and I can't take this

lemme spell it out plain for you

angry groups complain about the things we do

I'm not changing direction, I'm stepping my game up

Maintaining my name, the same way I came up

You're gonna see that I'm not playing

And start asking me the names that I'm not saying

but I'm trying not to mention the names

of people who wanna siphon attention

You like the hype but pretending you're part of the picture wont pass

You're like a high school dropout, no class

You can say what you want about me

keep talking while I'm walking away bitch

Why does it always have to be

Somebody's always watching me

All I really need is some room to breathe

Is anybody out there listening?

'cause I can't stand to keep this in

All I really want, I'll say it again

You can say what you have to say'
cause my mind's made up anyway
I'm taking the high road going above you
this is the last time that I'm gonna trust you
You can say what you have to say'
cause my mind's made up anyway
all that bullshit you talk might work a lot
but it's not gonna work today

i'm not taking off the post

although things have cleared it serves as a reminder

i've endured a emotional roller coaster today

only to come out stronger and i thank god for it

i hope you start to realise i'm not as nice as you think

concentration concentration this is the game of concentration

2008-10-01T13:35:00.002+08:00

oh dear listen to yourself you did it again,

you jumped the gun and had it point to yourself

and to dodge the bullets you gave your flimsy excuses

you made shit out of nothing that concerns you.

if you had an issue and you meant well

you could have said it proper, respect.

the bigger person not only ends well, but starts well too.

i have an issue, i slander at will

but your defensiveness makes you linger on the skirts of hyprocrism.

to those who haven't realised

when i blog i dont talk about someone in particular

its more of a collective thought

but if i do want to verbally slap you

i'll make it so pin point obvious that it is you.

and to prove my point,

its people like you elizabeth rani

people like you who push me to superstardom.

2008-10-01T09:00:00.000+08:00

2008-09-30T19:27:00.001+08:00

God..
I watch these girls that love their boyfriends
No matter how bastard the guys are
And how badly he treats her
She still loves him for who he is
And the years spent together
Makes it impossible to leave him

I watch these girls that fall in love with boys
Telling me how they miss their him
How he makes her go crazy
And how she just cant get enough
And even when it all seems impossible
How she doesn’t want to let go off him

I watch these best friends
Over a decade of friendship and more
Memories that they talk about over and over again
And no matter how much a jerk one can be
The other one understands

I watch all these from afar
Enjoying the beauty of love etched in every single moment
But I can’t help wondering where I went wrong
Actually. I can’t help wondering what’s your plans for me.

2008-09-30T13:36:00.007+08:00

i took a step back to look at everything around
and i realised how everybody's having some kind of problem
looking for answers so much that they shun the world wanting to be alone
and in the process end up hurting the ones around

we're all hypocrit bastards
laughing at others for their "emo-ness"
but in the end we're guilty of the same shit
i'm not afraid of my weaknesses,
so take of that mask you're wearing and stand tall.

take it from me, no one's gona solve your issue
except you.
so rather than wallowing in self pity
why not search within
trust me you'll find the answer there.

i've lost another one.
things have happened over the few months
but i'm not phased
smiply cos i saw this coming
looking back at time, its more like a cycle in my life
no one has stayed too long, no one could ever come to close.
i've learnt to live my life alone, independent
it's not the best way to live
but fear and phobia will push you into it.
and this time my lips are sealed
i just don't see the point of telling people my problems and worries anymore

but i've rectified one thing,
i'm never gona go out of my way to help someone i like
its just not worth it.
and take it from me, if you're waiting to be understood.
its never gona happen

thank you for the good times,
you were a good friend.

Baracuda Batucada Photo Shoot

2008-09-29T19:31:00.000+08:00

2008-09-29T12:20:00.000+08:00

Ive told you this once before you cant control me

If you try to take me down youre gonna break

I feel your head crack and it's nothing that you're doing for me

Im thinkin you're a fake, you are that way

Youre always hiding behind your so called goddess
So what, you dont think that we can see your face?
Resurrecting back before the final fallen
Ill never rest until I can make my own way
Im not afraid of fading

Feeling your sting down inside me
Im not tired forever
Everything that I believe is fading

Now its my time
Its my time to dream
Dream of the sky
Make me believe that this place isnt made by the poison in me
Help me decide if my fire will burn out before you can breathe
Breathe into me

I stand alone

seven sins

2008-09-26T09:49:00.002+08:00

LUST
porn penn porn penn porn penn porn penn porn penn
Desires temptation the devil within
the downfall of society
Hocus Pocus FOCUS

home

2008-09-24T12:41:00.004+08:00

Shine-lake of fire
Lines take me higher
My mind drips desire
Confined and overtired
Living this charade
Is getting me nowhere
I can`t shake this charade
The city`s cold blood calls me home
Home it`s what I long for
Back home where I belong
The city - it calls to me
Decadent scenes from my memory
Sorrow - eternity
My demons are coming to drown me
Help - I`m falling, I`m crawling
I can`t keep away from its clutch
Can`t have it, this habit
It`s calling me back to my home

I remember the first time she came to me
Poured her soul out all night and cried
I remember I was told there`s a new love that`s born
For each one that has died
I never thought that I
Could carry on with this life
But I can`t resist myself
No matter how hard I try
Living their other life
Is getting them nowhere
I`ll make her my wife
Her sweet temptations calls me home
Home it`s what I long for
My home where she belongs
Her ecstasy - means so much to me
Even deceiving my own blood
Victoria watches and thoughtfully smiles
She`s taking me to my home
Help - he`s my brother, but I love her
I can`t keep away from her touch
Deception, dishonorIt`s calling me back to my home

Her story - it holds the key
Unlocking dreams from my memory
Solving this mystery
Is everything that is a part of me
Help - regression, obsession
I can`t keep away from her touch
Leave no doubt, to find outIt`s calling me back to my home

2008-09-24T12:27:00.003+08:00

Happiness the tangent curve
There’s always a point in your life where you’ll hit rock bottom
Currently I just dug beneath rock bottom and buried myself
I’ve never experienced such a low.
To make things worse, it’s not an event but rather a period
All these fingers pointing at me
Claiming that I’ve changed, every so ready to judge me
Bitch you were never there by my side
So don’t fucking run your mouth aite?
All this pressure’s choking me
The weight on my shoulders making me buckle.
Or so you expect.

Disciplined Rudiments
Abs and Guns
North indian + Rock vocals

Kill the boy
Sundar Kaantham
Akshara Concepts
Pengal Silanthigal
Language
Spongebob the observer

Image

Baracudas

NIE

I’m not who I used to be.
If you think your life’s fucked up think again
I’m not taking anymore excuses, not giving any either

And If you didn’t care, I’m not going to either
Life ain’t roses and rainbows my friends
Its uglier than you think.
And if any of you assholes think you can make it worse for me
Watch your back cos I’ll be coming for you.
Less said more done
Thiru’s changed. Deal with it.
Success is my only motherfucking option failure’s not.

Ujale Bazz - AGNEE

2008-09-20T13:15:00.000+08:00

2008-09-20T11:05:00.009+08:00

"I have fallen in love with the dreams of the fiery one

I was bound in a cage and now I am ready to fly
Oh Mother.. I made friends of a falcon

Such a flight he flew, that he never came back
Flying here, flying there, we exhausted our wings

We were arrested and fell in love with imprisonment
I have fallen in love with the dreams of the fiery one
Says Firdaus if there were a paradise on earth this is it..this is it"

One of the few and rare indian hard rock songs
Awesome music video

i love the batik details given to the phoenix
More importantly the strong message behind the song
superb.

2008-09-19T21:42:00.002+08:00

i really need to stop bobbing my head...

AEROCRATZ dhool 2008

2008-09-16T16:34:00.006+08:00

I've never attended a mediacorp show live before. Top that i never attended a big dance competition either, for the fact that i am not a fan of the local indian dance scene.
So what made me go and watch Dhool 2008 live? Its this group. AEROCRATZ.
Yes i maybe a bit biased cos i have friends dancing from the group. Yet i know that if you watch the clips below you too will have your views changed.

What i like. Their commitment and passion. Their drive to be different and unique. Their readiness to sacrifice and their pool of fans, family and members supporting them.
Common indians just like you and me they're not perfect, they too hone the typical habits of indians. Yet i say they stand as role models to the indian society.

For their quarterfinals they did the instrumental version of THUMBE VA by ilaiyaraja. A piece in the raagam kaapi. Their theme was inspired by the ugly duckling. They were able to present the song with such feelings and the message came strong and clear. A really good attempt at contemporary dance.

As for the semifinals they did the popular 80's song tholvi. Nobody would have guessed that you could dance to such a slow piece but yet again they proved us all wrong. I infact had my doubts but in the end i was moved to tears by their performance. They were in the song and they were able to bring the audience into the song too. Truly commendable.

As a whole the dhool show's pretty good. Kalaiselvan's effort at bringing the youth indian society is commendable BUT there are these few uncouth indians that are too shallow to realise this.
An indians strongest and weakest point is his mouth. For that fact i commend VADI, not only for his excellent hosting but also for being to tell these people in their face that they should shut their gap.

From the bottom of my heart i wish AEROCRATZ all the best for your finals. rock on =)

a revolution awaits...

semi finals

2008-09-16T16:34:00.003+08:00

quarter finals

2008-09-16T16:00:00.001+08:00

2008-09-07T16:57:00.005+08:00

kanavugalil vazhnthuvittaen iruthivarai,

intha sogam indru sugamaanathu

oru varamaaga ni thanthathu.

oaoraru kayangal yen vazhkai paadama?

ini theeyai vaithu yeritthalum yen nenjam veezhuma?

too many. just too many

enough of this emotional rollercoaster.

and though they ridicule he has a point

not ready for a serious relationship, just go with the flow

but rather i'de like to spend some time on myself

improving myself

disciplined rudimentary excercises.

DISCIPLINED RUDIMENTARY EXERCISE 1

2008-09-07T00:05:00.000+08:00

"The Last Goodbye"

2008-09-06T01:20:00.004+08:00

I don't believe you

And I never will

Oh I can't live by your side

With the lies you've tried to instill

I can't take anymore

I dont have to give you a reason

For leaving this time

Coz this is my last goodbye

It's like I hardly know you

But maybe I never did

It's like every emotion you showed me

You kept well hid

And every true word that you ever spoke

Was really deceiving

Now I'm leaving this time

Coz this is my last goodbye

I've gotta turn and walk away

I don't have anything left to say

I haven't already said before

I've grown tired of being used

And I'm sick and tired of being accused

Now I'm walking away from you

And I'm not coming back

2008-09-05T00:34:00.000+08:00

weird
no really weird
she had to prove her words, dont bet with a saggie
i've never had someone been this sweet to me.
you know who you are and you're truly appreciated
life has taught me alot,
never to judge a lesson in time i've been educated about.
and you have been full of surprises ever since day 1.
i say when you give without expecting
you will recieve tenfolds
a blessed future with joy and laughter to you =)

2008-09-04T00:36:00.000+08:00

an evening at BLU JAZ CAFE

with the baracudas (jiv justin joanne ian faz larris)

and of course who else but sharania

went to watch LILA DRUMS perform live there

it was an african percussion ensemble

i'de like to call it djembe sex, sweet.

its totally inspired me to a whole new level

how an instrument can truly be spiritual

and how the djembe really should be played

a night of african rhythms i will not forget

and oh yea happy birthday justin bitch.

sudha ragunathan

2008-09-02T01:00:00.000+08:00

tomorrow's vinayakar chaturthi

and there i was the eve of it at senpaga vinayagar temple

watching south indian classical music's best perform live

SUDHA RAGUNATHAN

such a treat and i have sai vignesh anna to thank for it

like he said, a mix of popular hits

raagam names flying everywhere

i learnt alot that day

and i heard my fav songs, kurai onrum illai and bo shambo

i maybe quiet, but thats cos i want to be like the sponge

absorbing everthing around me and not letting a single word out.

that doesnt mean i don't know

it just means i choose not to say.

2008-08-30T01:07:00.002+08:00

performed for don's friend's band, DANNY REJOICE it was really a pleasure working with the 8 piece band
what grabbed me was the fact that they were willing to do anything for music
and they had the backing of family and friends
a rare thing in the indian community
they spent 2k just on the show itself and the shocking truth
it was just a 2 hr segment of a tamil camp in newtown sec
just to show the kids what music really is about
kudos to prathap and dinesh
i sang what i would call "neruppu songs"
hey aatha, aasai nooru vagai,kodampakkam area.
lol really not me but i actually had a gd time
and i learnt a lesson in entertainment.
oh and the last picture was when i danced with one of the auntys on the dance floor
cos i was approached by the students to dance but i din want to.
that reminds me. the warmth of the aunties hai hai.
truly music and love.

2008-08-29T13:48:00.000+08:00

question:
are you living the LIFE?
or
are you living the LIE?
the difference lies in a single alphabet
yet the difference holds great magnitude

i don't want to live a lie
so i'm gona sit down and analyse
gather some will from god knows where
and fix this shit.

2008-08-25T12:43:00.002+08:00

your repititions of how nothing will last forever
and so would this
has finally etched itself into my mind.

thiru's MIA for the moment
he's gone in search of his dreams.

2008-08-20T23:49:00.002+08:00

i'm supposed to be studying but at the moment there's so much going through my head.
I sincerely thank god for helping me through my FIT paper and the friends who cared and wished.theres actually a HELL alot of things that have happened in the past few months that i have not updated about. i will after my exams k.

im losing my fitness touch and i dont like that. on the other hand i freaking despise running. how like that? that plus my freaking low metabolism rate. and exam stress makes you eat like no tomorrow i swear.

over time i have met so many musicians. many have inspired me and many have disgusted with equal magnitude. i honestly cant imagine a life without music and i dont mean this in your typical "oh musics life, i miss music, music is soul" bull crap. over time i've learnt how music basically sums up in two words. Discipline and passion. If god gave you the gift of being musically inclined and you're not doing anything about it, honestly shame on you.
Im running around chasing my music dreams. There was this time in my life when i was so crazy about it i used to blabber "drums,guitar,djembe.sing sing" when i was sleeping.
But god loves to test i guess. I want to state here for all my friends. Music and friendship are 2 different things. Yes they might overlap but they are individual entities. Friendship can make your music lazy and from experience i say this. My whole band became lazy and its depressed me so much. It actually shattered my world. Yet i know my ethics. I still hold on to these friends in hope one day things will work out.
I have to stop worrying about others and concentrate on myself for now.
DJEMBE AND HINDUSTANI VOCALS.

for once in my life i took the chance of being superficial. why in the world do we things that will hurt us unknowingly? i still dont get it. How can someone be so emotionally shallow. You're just another lesson learnt girl.

the world arounds quite shattered and everythings a mess.
i'm trying to pick up the pieces and put them back together.
Before you can love someone else
You need to learn to love yourself
and for that you need to accept yourself for who you are.
At the moment im learning and learning.
i admire the phoenix, trialed by fire only to be reborn.

cardinal avenue

2008-08-15T12:39:00.003+08:00

this is cardinal avenue

an amazing rock band in singapore

thats been making big in the local rock scene

from really humble beginings

john on drums

faris on lead guitar

prahlad on vocals and rhythms

and this french chinese guy called brice who plays bass

and happens to be a best friend of mine

from being real tight as friends

now their musics really getting tight too

their sounds matured so much

its a real inspiration to see this guys

plus its really my kind of fused rock

a bit of maths a bit of new age a bit of punk and really heavy beats

Cardinal Avenue will be playing live at Scape this saturday

They're the headliners

and also catch them at Baybeats

and go listen to them at http://www.myspace.com/cardinalavenue

awesomeness.

2008-08-13T01:00:00.004+08:00

he stands tall, his guru watching over him
and when i took this picture i could only ask
that he too would watch over me.
and now i pray...

that I will complete my diploma properly

and that I will enter NTU-NIE

to become the teacher i've always wanted to be

that I will be strong when it comes to her

i've come to realise how self obsessed she is

looks count for shit my dear

so i pray you do have a good side to you

or else this ends here.

that I find a job now to support myself

and to pay for my education

that i stay focused

i cannot afford to to be distracted

i've only got one shot at this

and finally i thank you for a friend like sharania

2008-08-10T23:31:00.004+08:00

Watch the sunrise

Say your goodbyes

Off we go

Some conversation

No contemplation

Hit the road

Car overheats

Jump out of my seat

On the side of the highway baby

Our road is long

Your hold is strong

Please don’t ever let go oh no

I know I don’t know you

But I want you so bad

Everyone has a secret

But can they keep it

Oh no they can’t'

2008-08-06T15:35:00.002+08:00

is it wrong to be born with good looks
but not be equipped with the ability to flirt?
is it wrong to refuse a pack of cigs and a beer
and drink coke and eat a pack of kinder bueno when you're stressed?
is it wrong to be able to do almost everything
and yet be humble about it?
is it wrong to be better than others
but yet treat them with respect?
is it wrong to have a strong conscience
and feel sensitive towards every damn thing?
is it wrong to be born indian
and to have to put up with the narrow-minded chinese?
is it wrong to love without expecting anything in return
but to get stabbed back in return?
is it wrong to lead
but end up having a bunch of lazy retards to follow you?
is it wrong to have a conversation with your mom about her life
and end up feeling lonelier than ever?
is it wrong to like a girl
just for her looks?

is it wrong being me?

you tell me...

2008-07-27T19:32:00.000+08:00

love.

2008-07-27T18:46:00.009+08:00

you cannot define pain
its not something that you can hold in your hands and show to someone
yet i know something that can give you an experience
to enjoy pain in its most fullest form
that something will take place
when you lose the one that you love.

an electrical surge that overcomes your body

it will bring you to your knees
like a broken dam, the tears flow
your breathing becomes heavy
your eyes red
your heads swirling in a rhythmic pattern
you think you're going mad and you're going to faint
but god doesnt grant you that gift
instead you will consciously suffer every second of the turmoil
every memory will set off a time bomb
with hurt gripping your heart in a sleeper hold
in that moment all you can do is muster some energy to look up
and let go a whisper
"help me..."

i write this not to emo but rather to educate myself.
for more than a year i experienced this psychotic phase
alone at night in my room locked up so that no one hears me.
but what made me remember all this

was this small framed picture of lord shiva i have
that i used to talk to like a mad man.
i used to hug it tight and go to sleep to remedy the loneliness and fear.
and one day finally upon that picture i swore my five year abstinence from a relationship

many of my peers never fail to remind that i'm a flirt, a slut
i don't deny. i've had too many dates. just too many
people say i fall in love too fast, i'm fickle minded
but the truth lies in here
she was the only one, the rest were just my frantic struggles to seal that void
the need to be loved.

so thiru why are you telling us all this?
havent we heard enough?

who's telling you?
i'm talking to myself.
and there's a difference cos i know my mistakes
but i'm having a tough time rectifying it.
i want to stick to my promise and the fear of that pain reminds me
but at times i go astray in search of warmth and comfort in love
the deal is to stay focused thiru.
at the moment you're too distracted thiru. too many too many
but i don't blame you la, she's hot =)
and she's your other half
but EH no ah thiru.

i have too many dreams and too much of desire to attain them
and i will just watch me.

if you read this post and you just don't get anything
clearly you have never experienced true love
and the painful joy of it leaving you.
the fact that you think of someone constantly
and that someone out there thinks about you too
thats the beauty of it all.
when you love something too much
let it go, set it free
and if it does come back to you then thats true love there.

i want to thank you chu
for those magical years
and for the gift of love,
cos i stand here the man i am now thanks to all this
and i view the world so very differently
cos of that crazy thing called love.

2008-07-26T21:40:00.003+08:00

the beauty of the stay over

lied in the fact that it did not feel wrong

and i did not feel guilty

that made the whole thing just very right

2008-07-26T21:39:00.005+08:00

i love

the sights and sounds

the fashion statements

the music the night life

the people the scene

more of this please.

2008-07-26T21:38:00.002+08:00

solemates

as corny as it sounded coming from your mouth

i'm seeing those words take form in my heart

i don't regret the things that are happening in my life

cos its somehow brought me closer to you

brother.twin.friend.guyfriend.bestie.

whatever it maybe

i want you to know that i cherish you

the future i do not know what it holds

but for the moment lets just enjoy what we have

love =)

2008-07-25T11:20:00.000+08:00

" The world is yours ,

but you don't seem to care "

2008-07-24T12:29:00.000+08:00

HAPPY
BIRTHDAY
SHIVA!

2008-07-23T00:21:00.004+08:00

There's another world inside of me

That you may never see

There're secrets in this life

That I can't hide

Somewhere in this darkness

There's a light that

I can't find

Maybe it's too far away...

Or maybe I'm just blind...

So hold me when I'm here

Right me when I'm wrong

Hold me when I'm scared

And love me when I'm gone

Everything I am

And everything in me

Wants to be the one

You wanted me to be

I'll never let you down

Even if I could

I'd give up everything

If only for your good

So hold me when I'm here

Right me when I'm wrong

You can hold me when I'm scared

You won't always be there

So love me when I'm gone

Roaming through this darkness

I'm alive but I'm alone

Part of me is fighting this

But part of me is gone

i took every single of you
and placed each one in a single cell of my heart
i was prepared to do anything for you'll

so here i go

i dissapear

for most of you just don't care

and your bad move will make things tear

you're a pretty dumb hoe

watch me now as i go

and now you don't.

cos you will live to regret.

shhhhhhhhh
silence

focus

2008-07-22T00:39:00.003+08:00

tension.attention please. give me give me.
i don't know what im trying to say
girls girls glamorous girls. nail that bitch
why are you so in your own world? there are others around
bad move my friend
sharania what you said might just come true, blame yourself for talking about it
you you you.FUCK YOU =)
hockey hockey where do we go from here?
oh death metal oh so soothing.
i need help.
no seriously.

2008-07-22T00:28:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday Sharania