rip my heart out and throw it away

cos i've had enough.

I am a world before I am a man

I was a creature before I could stand

I will remember before I forget

over the weeks whatever happened
changed the way i am now
this is the period where god exists
or atleast i become more aware of him
i become stronger and more focused
and as i stood infront of her chariot
i made those vows, in hope that she would guide
like the tree that provides shade to others
without caring about itself
i've begun to stop telling my problems and worries
keeping it locked inside
throwing them into the fire that burns in my heart
only to let let it burn brighter and higher
the flames keep me warm
i've seen my kindness been betrayed
and i've learnt to give to he who deserves
i've set my sights on the goal
i'm not looking back
and i'm not gona tell you either.

god i pray
without doubt i am as human as i can get
and as much as i try

my heart, mind and eyes cant help but to wander

i must remind you that i too have feelings

and that i too can fall

but i take this opportunity to thank you

for the friends/band you have given

for they mean everything to me.

in the name of god.

I stumbled upon these 3 clips, 2 by a Christian from India and one by a westerner.

Watching these clips left me in a state of total confusion. Anger, rage with a need to prove wrong but at the same time to forgive and to understand. Yet more importantly to just ignore such people and not get affected. A very bad concoction I should say.

It’s ok to believe in what you believe, but just don’t look down on what others believe. One person’s mistake should not reflect upon the whole. If your god said love all and at the same time that he’s the only one and the rest are fakes and non believers will go to hell. Hmm really something not right there don’t you think. How ironical.

However I think the problems stems from a bad upbringing and a lack of knowledge. The Indian guy was blabbering utter rubbish that was not factual and his bloody English gosh he ought to be shot. Such a disgrace. As for the American I’ve got nothing much to say about people who conform to almost anything and indulge in inbreeding.

Remind me, that this is what I want to do, what I want to prove.

As crazy and wrong as it may seem,
I’m still thinking about you, I still feel you with me
Everywhere I go I see you,
Everything I do you’re right there.
I think it just makes it hard when I think of how fast you moved on.
Its left me with a scar that seems so impossible to heal
And now I find it so hard to believe
When they say they do.
Why am I running after the things I want
Only to run away from things that want me.
Oru poiyavadhu sol kannae
Yen kadhal neethan yendru andha sollil uyir vazhvaen
I’ve learnt life lessons my friend.
I’m gona end both your chapters and never look back.

and unselect the sluts

And till the day I live my dreams
I shall never dare to write another chapter in my books

Navarathiri

What ill remember about this show, is not what happened during the show but rather the events that occured before the show itself. 2 months of hard practise, mind you we've never practised this hard. The many cock-ups. Blood Sweat Tears and no im not exaggerating it's true. But more importantly how the whole thing has bridged the band together. I'm really happy for that reason. I've learnt alot during the course of the 2 months. As for the show itself it had disaster written all over it when no one i invited turned up. That set me thinking too but nvm. Yet again we were saved by the many sai families and india indians that turned up and showed their support. Made me realise the importance of having ur families' support in anything you do. I also want to thank prabhu and naresh from taalmenz for their support.

What's next?

Anbin theivam and mudhal kanave :D

i don't wana know, if you're playing me
keep it on the low, cos my heart can't take it anymore.
bleah that's ignorance and i ain't no fool.
its been such a train wreck;
the past years i've seen heard experienced
and the past few weeks have just been crazy.
and the past 2 days the craziest.
and after everything she dedicated unfaithful to me..
honestly how can even the sweetest girls turn out to be such sluts?

I'm aiming for what Jay Z sang, what kumaran's been driving hard at me.

I've got 99 problems, but a BITCH ain't one.

These people are running off at the mouth

Trying to convince me that I'm running on empty

Trying to convince themselves that they're right

That what im doing is a mistake and I can't take this

Lemme tell you where I'm at with this

You bastards are gonna have to take back that shit

I'm not plastic and fake

When I say things I take facts and lay them out for the masses

You assholes are gonna see soon that I'm not playing

And start asking me the names that I'm not saying

But I'm trying to be bigger than the bickering

bigger than the petty name calling

under the breath talking

rumors and labels and categorization

I'm like a struggling doctor, no patients

But you can say what you want about me

keep talking while I'm walking away

You people are running off at the mouth

Trying to make me take myself off safety

Trying to make my friends turn their backs on the team we built

building up some mistaken information

and I can't take this

lemme spell it out plain for you

angry groups complain about the things we do

I'm not changing direction, I'm stepping my game up

Maintaining my name, the same way I came up

You're gonna see that I'm not playing

And start asking me the names that I'm not saying

but I'm trying not to mention the names

of people who wanna siphon attention

You like the hype but pretending you're part of the picture wont pass

You're like a high school dropout, no class

You can say what you want about me

keep talking while I'm walking away bitch

Why does it always have to be

Somebody's always watching me

All I really need is some room to breathe

Is anybody out there listening?

'cause I can't stand to keep this in

All I really want, I'll say it again

You can say what you have to say'
cause my mind's made up anyway
I'm taking the high road going above you
this is the last time that I'm gonna trust you
You can say what you have to say'
cause my mind's made up anyway
all that bullshit you talk might work a lot
but it's not gonna work today

i'm not taking off the post

although things have cleared it serves as a reminder

i've endured a emotional roller coaster today

only to come out stronger and i thank god for it

i hope you start to realise i'm not as nice as you think

concentration concentration this is the game of concentration

oh dear listen to yourself you did it again,

you jumped the gun and had it point to yourself

and to dodge the bullets you gave your flimsy excuses

you made shit out of nothing that concerns you.

if you had an issue and you meant well

you could have said it proper, respect.

the bigger person not only ends well, but starts well too.

i have an issue, i slander at will

but your defensiveness makes you linger on the skirts of hyprocrism.

to those who haven't realised

when i blog i dont talk about someone in particular

its more of a collective thought

but if i do want to verbally slap you

i'll make it so pin point obvious that it is you.

and to prove my point,

its people like you elizabeth rani

people like you who push me to superstardom.