love.

you cannot define pain
its not something that you can hold in your hands and show to someone
yet i know something that can give you an experience
to enjoy pain in its most fullest form
that something will take place
when you lose the one that you love.

an electrical surge that overcomes your body

it will bring you to your knees
like a broken dam, the tears flow
your breathing becomes heavy
your eyes red
your heads swirling in a rhythmic pattern
you think you're going mad and you're going to faint
but god doesnt grant you that gift
instead you will consciously suffer every second of the turmoil
every memory will set off a time bomb
with hurt gripping your heart in a sleeper hold
in that moment all you can do is muster some energy to look up
and let go a whisper
"help me..."

i write this not to emo but rather to educate myself.
for more than a year i experienced this psychotic phase
alone at night in my room locked up so that no one hears me.
but what made me remember all this

was this small framed picture of lord shiva i have
that i used to talk to like a mad man.
i used to hug it tight and go to sleep to remedy the loneliness and fear.
and one day finally upon that picture i swore my five year abstinence from a relationship

many of my peers never fail to remind that i'm a flirt, a slut
i don't deny. i've had too many dates. just too many
people say i fall in love too fast, i'm fickle minded
but the truth lies in here
she was the only one, the rest were just my frantic struggles to seal that void
the need to be loved.

so thiru why are you telling us all this?
havent we heard enough?

who's telling you?
i'm talking to myself.
and there's a difference cos i know my mistakes
but i'm having a tough time rectifying it.
i want to stick to my promise and the fear of that pain reminds me
but at times i go astray in search of warmth and comfort in love
the deal is to stay focused thiru.
at the moment you're too distracted thiru. too many too many
but i don't blame you la, she's hot =)
and she's your other half
but EH no ah thiru.

i have too many dreams and too much of desire to attain them
and i will just watch me.

if you read this post and you just don't get anything
clearly you have never experienced true love
and the painful joy of it leaving you.
the fact that you think of someone constantly
and that someone out there thinks about you too
thats the beauty of it all.
when you love something too much
let it go, set it free
and if it does come back to you then thats true love there.

i want to thank you chu
for those magical years
and for the gift of love,
cos i stand here the man i am now thanks to all this
and i view the world so very differently
cos of that crazy thing called love.

the beauty of the stay over

lied in the fact that it did not feel wrong

and i did not feel guilty

that made the whole thing just very right

i love

the sights and sounds

the fashion statements

the music the night life

the people the scene

more of this please.

solemates

as corny as it sounded coming from your mouth

i'm seeing those words take form in my heart

i don't regret the things that are happening in my life

cos its somehow brought me closer to you

brother.twin.friend.guyfriend.bestie.

whatever it maybe

i want you to know that i cherish you

the future i do not know what it holds

but for the moment lets just enjoy what we have

love =)

" The world is yours ,

but you don't seem to care "

HAPPY
BIRTHDAY
SHIVA!

There's another world inside of me

That you may never see

There're secrets in this life

That I can't hide

Somewhere in this darkness

There's a light that

I can't find

Maybe it's too far away...

Or maybe I'm just blind...

So hold me when I'm here

Right me when I'm wrong

Hold me when I'm scared

And love me when I'm gone

Everything I am

And everything in me

Wants to be the one

You wanted me to be

I'll never let you down

Even if I could

I'd give up everything

If only for your good

So hold me when I'm here

Right me when I'm wrong

You can hold me when I'm scared

You won't always be there

So love me when I'm gone

Roaming through this darkness

I'm alive but I'm alone

Part of me is fighting this

But part of me is gone

i took every single of you
and placed each one in a single cell of my heart
i was prepared to do anything for you'll

so here i go

i dissapear

for most of you just don't care

and your bad move will make things tear

you're a pretty dumb hoe

watch me now as i go

and now you don't.

cos you will live to regret.

shhhhhhhhh
silence

focus

tension.attention please. give me give me.
i don't know what im trying to say
girls girls glamorous girls. nail that bitch
why are you so in your own world? there are others around
bad move my friend
sharania what you said might just come true, blame yourself for talking about it
you you you.FUCK YOU =)
hockey hockey where do we go from here?
oh death metal oh so soothing.
i need help.
no seriously.

Happy Birthday Sharania

Earth to Bella

You think you’ve got it all figured in

Earth to Bella

Everything you know is wrong (well almost)

Earth to Bella

I see where you are not listening

I bear the burden of being the voice that let's you know

We all grow old

And before you swim you've gotta be okay to sink

Earth to Bella

The world can be an unfriendly place

So hold your head up

And do your best to save some face

It’s not so hard

Just undo yourself and see a second sun ascend

it's okay to sink...

i'm writing this for a person

who i've had the most fall-outs with in the shortest period

who has accused me of blogging about her b4 when i didn't

and now i'm doing it, so i hope you realise

as fast as things come, things will go

and i know your tiny pause will be forever

doesn't matter anyway cos you have too much ego

i write this with a reason

like you always say maturity is not a number

yet we all are tied by nature's law

everything has a balance

everything has a time for it to happen

I despise geeks

but i realised that they too have their place in this world

during a meeting i realised the depth of it

how we might not be able to exist without them and their knowledge

so why question the lifestyle of others?

we were all brought down here for a reason

and each reason is special and different respective to each individual

whether or not they find their true calling is up to them

my dad always told me not to resist nature but rather

to live in harmony with it

i respect and admire your passion for self improvement

yet i see hatred fear anger and dissaproval

the key for improvement is love

and i don't mean selective love

" Ok guys stand in a row, you the poser you're out.
ah yes you're my soul mate yes you're in"

nope does'nt work that way. love is unconditional

screw the past and live the future.

i'm not saying this cos i care

im saying it cos i want to.

a moment in time

when you wave a finger across the crowd

to let the mass know what you're thinking

I KNOW I KNOW

why so angsty thiru why?

truth is that i've been having some really bipolar moments

must be mixing with sharania too much i guess =)

so when im UBER ANGSTY i let it all out here

but when im sky high im out enjoying so i don't bother telling

but i've realised i need to change my style of blogging. now

i've been wacking out my issues all at a shot

i need to sit and analyse each, one by one

and i've realised how anoynimity can irritate the shit out of people

i'm gona be more direct in that sense from now

hmm lets see where shall i start?

fine.
i'm NOT your twin
happy?

smile

you're way too beautiful girl

that's why it will never work

you'll have me suicidal

sharania navalan

this update is for sharania.
i love her mom, the way she adores and annoys sharania haha so cute.
and her dad reminds me of my grandpa man
and i noe in the bottom of her heart, sharania loves me
*she better* cos i do =)
this is the first time i did this publicly
she's suppose to be my twin. go figure
and oh yea, i said thanks to acknowledge your kindess
dont' get it?
*hint: go see your msn nic*

and uma i heard you mumble " i missed you la"
hahaha
stop frowning and smiling at the same time k?


i'm at a point of confusion
i rather not saying anything
pull out, regroup and focus.