love.

you cannot define pain
its not something that you can hold in your hands and show to someone
yet i know something that can give you an experience
to enjoy pain in its most fullest form
that something will take place
when you lose the one that you love.

an electrical surge that overcomes your body

it will bring you to your knees
like a broken dam, the tears flow
your breathing becomes heavy
your eyes red
your heads swirling in a rhythmic pattern
you think you're going mad and you're going to faint
but god doesnt grant you that gift
instead you will consciously suffer every second of the turmoil
every memory will set off a time bomb
with hurt gripping your heart in a sleeper hold
in that moment all you can do is muster some energy to look up
and let go a whisper
"help me..."

i write this not to emo but rather to educate myself.
for more than a year i experienced this psychotic phase
alone at night in my room locked up so that no one hears me.
but what made me remember all this

was this small framed picture of lord shiva i have
that i used to talk to like a mad man.
i used to hug it tight and go to sleep to remedy the loneliness and fear.
and one day finally upon that picture i swore my five year abstinence from a relationship

many of my peers never fail to remind that i'm a flirt, a slut
i don't deny. i've had too many dates. just too many
people say i fall in love too fast, i'm fickle minded
but the truth lies in here
she was the only one, the rest were just my frantic struggles to seal that void
the need to be loved.

so thiru why are you telling us all this?
havent we heard enough?

who's telling you?
i'm talking to myself.
and there's a difference cos i know my mistakes
but i'm having a tough time rectifying it.
i want to stick to my promise and the fear of that pain reminds me
but at times i go astray in search of warmth and comfort in love
the deal is to stay focused thiru.
at the moment you're too distracted thiru. too many too many
but i don't blame you la, she's hot =)
and she's your other half
but EH no ah thiru.

i have too many dreams and too much of desire to attain them
and i will just watch me.

if you read this post and you just don't get anything
clearly you have never experienced true love
and the painful joy of it leaving you.
the fact that you think of someone constantly
and that someone out there thinks about you too
thats the beauty of it all.
when you love something too much
let it go, set it free
and if it does come back to you then thats true love there.

i want to thank you chu
for those magical years
and for the gift of love,
cos i stand here the man i am now thanks to all this
and i view the world so very differently
cos of that crazy thing called love.