mudhal kanave

i dont know why i met you today.
i dont know why i did it when i knew it would take me
a trip down memory lane

why this had to happen between us
only he noes.
i'm not gona ask anymore qns
the 4 years, i hereby am gona bury in the depths of my past
the rage has been appeased. the betrayal has been made to understand
you've changed so much

i'm really happy for you

and i wish you all the best

is it wrong to give the one you love

everything and anything that you can

did i pamper and spoil?

or did i actually believe that love can change anything in the world

and now i fear.

for the one i love now.

the possibilities have grown slimmer, not even visible to the eye

and i fear history repeats itself.

take me for granted.

when the storm arives, will you be seen by my side?

WYC

Like I told you, this ended up being a Sai Weekend.

And i foresee more of these kinda weekends popping up.

But its all good :)

Attended the Pre-World YOuth Conference Meeting

For those who were going on the trip.

So its confirmed. I'll be fying off on the 21st July and coming back on the 31st.

The day gave me much time to think and conclude.

Plus a talk with my dad in the evening put things in perspective for me.

The reason i was put on to this planet.

My single reason for existence.

My need to think out of the box. To think differently.

Everyone's looking around for miracle to guide them.

For me, my life's been a miracle.

I'm going to hold on. and im never going to let go.

sai sat

i slept at 5.30 in the morn
and woke up at 6.30 am.
Prakash's house bhajan in the morning
SCC vs Tornados Anzas in the evening
(2 - 1)
Aunty vienna's house bhajan in the evening
x . x
but it was a good way to spend the day in the end.

Friendship meant more than anything to me.
For the group i was ready to give more than anything.
But there are many who are guilty.
Guilty of preaching while their backs are dirty.
Guilty of not putting the groups needs infront of their own.
Guilty of not realising their own errors but blaming the rest.
And so i realise,
that solitude is fortitude.
and in this journey, those who have the same destination in mind
will stick together
while the rest will falter and drop off.
let's wait and see.

st.anger

"You must have not only freedom from fear, but freedom from hope and expectation. Trust in HIS Wisdom. He does not make mistakes. Love HIS uncertainty, for it is not a mistake. It is HIS intent and Will. Remember nothing happens without HIS Will. Be still. Do not ask to understand. Do not want to understand. Relinquish the imperative that demands understanding."
this woke me up.

slowly i'm gaining contro lof my anger
able to use it to my advantage
at first i wondered why i had this rage
and then i realised that for the harsh realities of this world
its gd to be armed.

may 15th
a day that changed my whole life
the day love bloomed into a rose
and the very day u chose to crush that rose
the darkness of my past has been illuminated by the fire in my heart
HE's watching. and he noes.
its no use regretting now.
i never regret meeting you. my first love. it was beauty.
i cherished every moment.
and how i wonder do ppl lose their feelings for a person
for eventhough you held my hand and took me for a walk through hell.
till this very moment i still love you.
BUT.
you thought me a lesson. a lesson i'll never forget
you never saw me changing did you?
i'm glad its this way. cos in the end i know.
you're blinded by lies.
and i seek the truth.
for all that you did to me. i only can pray.
and if you're thinking of using me again
may god have mercy on you.

and then you.
i predicted well about you.
i saw it coming and so i was hesitant to believe
your actions were just reactions to what has happening between you and him
i am dissapointed. but its ok
but then again. its made me more resistant to love now.

lastly,
i cannot make it anymore clear to you my dear.
my hearts given up. my minds trying to play the game.
i'm switching my way of percieving you from hence.
im letting it go. and if it ever comes flyin back to me :)
do the best, and you will only recieve the best.
if its meant to be, so be it.

all these have just got me fuming

for im not an option

and i feel this total resentment

anger anger anger

twinke twinkle lil star

you and I are not so far

come the time and you will see

for i'll be all I can be

WED

from my pt of view, this is how class seems like

at last a proper pic with my white half

she's a weirdass teacher i tell you. she flashed mine and brice's pix up at lecture for no damn reason -.-

Slowly my anger
starts to take shape
it takes definition
and finally has found its reason.
I have not emo-ed for a very long time.
Too much of ego and anger i guess.
Or maybe its my "seasoned-ness"

The thinking has been done

The answers have been found

And its time to conclude

Elections

Elections at the Singapore Cricket Club

Formal theme

And i freaking couldn tie my tie.
urgh. and i thot she could -.-

sumhow managed to pull it off.

Personally, i'm not a fan of the HIGH LIFE style of living.

hated every sec there

but in the end i got what i needed.

Junior Sports member of SCC

so there.

SJI SPORT FIESTA
Men's Soccer Open Division
SAMBA BOYZ
Silver
Tiru, Thiru, Reuben, Vinod, Kenneth, Abishake, Sheer, Anirudh

NP Lecturers

Kamikaze vs NGEE ANN Lecturers
4-1
Just a friendly soccer match.
Din turn out too friendly for me.
Sprained my left index finger while saving a shot.
@#$%
i cant afford to get injured.

Wed Training

Training!

all though i couldnt train

but still went to help out

and took LOaDs of pix.

the pressure's on.

IVPs pushed forward.

urgh.

some pictures with effects.

Oh ya and my camera caught something . looks like a ghost. a KPO AUNTY ghost. i wonder how my cam managed to get the full view of that big behind . :P

39 degrees
Splitting Headace
Cranky Stomach
Dry Weezing Cough
Sprinting Nose
Lethargic Body
But worse of all
A resulted Temper Loss
So pls, don't push me.

But thanks to;
Dad for putting the effort in making sure im alright
Granny for being by my side and taking care of me
My personal doc for the late night medications which work wonders :)
i'll be fine soon.pray.

we slept at 5am
woke up at 7am
jamming from 10 to 1.30
uma, jia jie, kumaran, sai, shiva and me

and a sudden guest appearance by govin on the flute
the piece : govinda bolo instrumental

trance genre

simply orgasmic.

one of our best pieces. we just cant wait to put it together.

then rushed down to CCAB pitch

SCC vs Strongchem

feeling VERy under the sun (literally and metaphorically)

result: lost 2-1

but the bigger result

i fell sick

i hate the sun.

went to queensway with sai and shiva to exchange a pair of faulty shoes i got 2 weeks ago from a shop there.i got a new pair of ADIDAS SALA instead. they wrap around my feet perfectly :D

then off to temple to help in the chariot procession but we ended up going way too early so we killed time taking pictures, coming out with new ideas and walking around the neighborhood aimlessly (photos to be released soon:x)

in the middle we had time to talk to aunty vasantha and ravi anna about or shortcomings and our future plans.

felt like a boulder off our shoulders.

and then RAGU came along half way to join us. he came down in his new bike. CHEY CHEY CHEY. but im damn proud of that bugger la.

it all ended at 12 and the 3 of us headed to sai's hse where we stayed over and watched MUNI( some freaky tamil scary movie)

but slowly, i noe im falling sick.

stone

Attempted to bring the dead back to alive
FAILED.
feel bad for her.

but then i still managed to:
Sharon :D:D:D:D
Chilli crew top from TOPMAN
Black Wrist Band
Coffee Bean frappucino
Han's chocolate truffle Cake
but most importantly,
a day with that chilli padi to rem :)

time, money and energy
so much spent on you
i don't noe why but when it comes to you
i just can't control myself, i just feel like giving u my all
but there's this fear.
a fear of repeatance, history becoming present
you'll never feel the same way as i do
and i can't afford to feel that pain again
i need to be in control

$$$$
i don't wana ask dad
feel bad for he's tight
but im going broke too
help god :x

SIKHS

SCC vs SIKHS SC
2 - 2
i'm just glad i made it alive out of the match

mom's left for india with grandparents.
hope time will fly
then came jamming in the afternoon
seriously, the drum set just gives u the opportunity to let loose i tell you.

after all
i'm suppose to be :D
but then why this fear?
why this voidness.
why the lost feeling?
why the numb?
and most of all
why these questions?

its weird how it looks like we're on warring ends here
when really i just wana stand by you
irony
this was meant to give you time
to think and decide
i despise the super akwardness
i'm not here to fight you
just want you to realise
i've given all
impossible yes
but even the frenship?
now that's for you to decide
and thats precisely wad i'm waiting for
and yet i'm still here for you
its 91064143

Happy Happy

how in the world did this just happen
from feeling SHIT to now. complete ignorance
and the sudden ability to be happy

must have been the great turnout of freshies at hockey training today
with the included fact of seeing hanif and brice's faces.
and not to forget the NAN i ate AL-AMEEN after training
Wootz.
plus the added fact that i've chosen it to be this way
but actually, its you who chose.
you left me with no choice.
one day you will realise and you will retrace your steps back
happy happy.
that's how it is at ngee ann hockey
and i'm gona work at it too.
but i have to redefine the meaning of happy
for everyone has their own perspective of it
and i for one have a weird definition haha.

consistency thiru consistency

sept 19th 2006

i can't anymore
i'm human too and i need to stop lying
cos this pain is real
this need to be alone
its so damn real.
back to where i started
on sept 19th 2006
when i wrote
love in betrayal
pleasure in pain
warmth in solitude

its true
heartbroken
for the 2nd time in my entire life
the fact i still think so much abt you
clearly shows i loved you.
but its killing me i swear

yes i'm angry
by the distance created
its weird how sometimes i feel so pist
but when i noe u're down
my heart just aches and i come out of my sorrow
and give my all to you
but u seem to want to just get further
and further and further away
just go. cos i can't keep pushing myself anymore.

feel like a zombie
every min i'm thinking.
i can't smile
i can't talk
i've been working my ass off to get things off my mind

and its taking a toll on my mind and body

i might just drop dead soon

but i don't mind honestly.

but till the day you realise,
i'll cling on with these painful memories
and i'll just wait just to find out.

cos if it meant anything to you.

sooner or later. you'll feel it...

and i pray so very hard..
this period will not last too long
and that rainbow i was promised after the storm
will come by soon.

hanuman please...

another knife on my back

my back's a gallery
knives of different lengths and thickness
different styles and cultures
all stabbed deep in.
latest arrivals just yesterday:
3 from my mom's best friend, her daughter and her friend.

lol. but honestly it din affect me.
just added a bit of fuel to the ongoing fire in me.
but then there comes a point in life.
when u've seen the shit. enuf to be not phased by it.

and to all those
who just don't understand my style of expressing
looks like my ability to twist and turn
has left u stranded in a blackhole.
seems like u can't connect with me.
so please, keep ur comments to urself
:)

indian rain

indian rain.

by the colonial cousins

fusion

a song with a beautiful meaning

i love.