SIKHS

SCC vs SIKHS SC
2 - 2
i'm just glad i made it alive out of the match

mom's left for india with grandparents.
hope time will fly
then came jamming in the afternoon
seriously, the drum set just gives u the opportunity to let loose i tell you.

after all
i'm suppose to be :D
but then why this fear?
why this voidness.
why the lost feeling?
why the numb?
and most of all
why these questions?

its weird how it looks like we're on warring ends here
when really i just wana stand by you
irony
this was meant to give you time
to think and decide
i despise the super akwardness
i'm not here to fight you
just want you to realise
i've given all
impossible yes
but even the frenship?
now that's for you to decide
and thats precisely wad i'm waiting for
and yet i'm still here for you
its 91064143

Happy Happy

how in the world did this just happen
from feeling SHIT to now. complete ignorance
and the sudden ability to be happy

must have been the great turnout of freshies at hockey training today
with the included fact of seeing hanif and brice's faces.
and not to forget the NAN i ate AL-AMEEN after training
Wootz.
plus the added fact that i've chosen it to be this way
but actually, its you who chose.
you left me with no choice.
one day you will realise and you will retrace your steps back
happy happy.
that's how it is at ngee ann hockey
and i'm gona work at it too.
but i have to redefine the meaning of happy
for everyone has their own perspective of it
and i for one have a weird definition haha.

consistency thiru consistency

sept 19th 2006

i can't anymore
i'm human too and i need to stop lying
cos this pain is real
this need to be alone
its so damn real.
back to where i started
on sept 19th 2006
when i wrote
love in betrayal
pleasure in pain
warmth in solitude

its true
heartbroken
for the 2nd time in my entire life
the fact i still think so much abt you
clearly shows i loved you.
but its killing me i swear

yes i'm angry
by the distance created
its weird how sometimes i feel so pist
but when i noe u're down
my heart just aches and i come out of my sorrow
and give my all to you
but u seem to want to just get further
and further and further away
just go. cos i can't keep pushing myself anymore.

feel like a zombie
every min i'm thinking.
i can't smile
i can't talk
i've been working my ass off to get things off my mind

and its taking a toll on my mind and body

i might just drop dead soon

but i don't mind honestly.

but till the day you realise,
i'll cling on with these painful memories
and i'll just wait just to find out.

cos if it meant anything to you.

sooner or later. you'll feel it...

and i pray so very hard..
this period will not last too long
and that rainbow i was promised after the storm
will come by soon.

hanuman please...

another knife on my back

my back's a gallery
knives of different lengths and thickness
different styles and cultures
all stabbed deep in.
latest arrivals just yesterday:
3 from my mom's best friend, her daughter and her friend.

lol. but honestly it din affect me.
just added a bit of fuel to the ongoing fire in me.
but then there comes a point in life.
when u've seen the shit. enuf to be not phased by it.

and to all those
who just don't understand my style of expressing
looks like my ability to twist and turn
has left u stranded in a blackhole.
seems like u can't connect with me.
so please, keep ur comments to urself
:)

indian rain

indian rain.

by the colonial cousins

fusion

a song with a beautiful meaning

i love.

so here's a lesson to be learnt
the first time this happened to me
i experienced hell
but only to realise the
heaven that it brought along later
but now i fell in the same pit again
i was on the right track
just on the wrong train
i'm clueless as to why it had to happen
all i noe is that if i dont realize
than im just a dumbass
that the absence of females in my life
looks to be quite essential
for its a curse put on me
blame me for not believing the astrologer
i have to arm myself against these illusions and desires
but i pray these feelings do not develop to become
hatred for the opposite kind.
my habit to love and give as much as i can
may be why u called me angel,
but now its gona get tough
cos my wings just got ripped off

love is not a feeling that comes and goes
its something that comes and grows
the beauty and splendour one cannot describe
for such is the magnitude it has on one.
i thank you for giving me the opportunity
to feel that magical bliss :)
i loved, not to be loved but only to give what i could
my feelings never change
for i am the same, b4.now.forever
the same
thiru

it's becoming BLUE wednesdays
and today's was shit
wad's wrong thiru
i really dont noe.

MAYBE
its because i've been stretched to my very end already
listen very carefully
you're hurting me
i've given all i can already
but you just don't seem to get it
there's SO much of anger going through me now
i too have feelings
i too can fall
don't you think this is just a bit too unfair?
time's running out
hope u realise soon
cos it'll be too late
when i'm gone

i was hoping for answers
but i guess its nva gona be.
the weird thing is,
the frenship just days b4 made me upset
but now
this distance is gona kill me.

i've let it out
after so much of bottling
i'm scared.
but in the end i noe its gona be hard to change things
pray...

sara sara

i don't noe wad to say
one of the most sweetest things that has happened to me
and i can't thank you enuf sara
although you're a complete stranger
the faith you have in me.
and the fact you want to see me smile
appreciate it. =)

and now to inform
for those who have asked with much care and concern
about these rantings of pain
spent some time reflecting
and i realised
that im actually the HAPPIEST person alive
and i have everything i need, and even more.
only the best you see.
come on. i spent YEARS in hell due to my ex
and now i face that devil practically everyday at sch
i'm actually stronger than i think
i guess i've just been too humble :P
and as such, a pinch of arrogance is neccessary in life.
however. there is a damn that's stopping this river of joy from flowing.
and my patience is thinning out faster than i expected
my hands are tied cos the situations are just not right.
i'm amazed at my strength to hold on.
but soon, i'll have to let you noe
and you'll get to meet me the other me.
the anger.
and i pray you'll understand me.

SCC vs OVA

SHF Division 3 Mens has begun

and today was the first match

and it went

SCC - OVA

0 - 0

but it was a gd game, (except for the 2 yellow cards)

and its gd to hear my name being called so freq on the pitch :)

oh ya, and i just realised they put a STUPID pic of me on the SHF website.urgh.

and i just got the team pic of the carnival team.

patience

everytime the FLY gathers
whether training or occasions
i try to keep a clear cool mind
but sumhow
these feelings creep in and take over
and now, i feel my patience wearing out
i'm giving my all for you
to shelter you from the storm
while i'm drowning in the flood
patience thiru patience

i realise that this prob is the only thing between me and total bliss. i have to solve this soon.

:'(
so close to blowing
and then..

i pray,
he will recover
and that she'll be strong too :)

and that i'll be strong enuf to hold on too

wootz

like shiva said,
now's the time to enjoy so screw that emo shit and live life to the fullest :)
training was gr8.
and when i entered sch today, something happened that made me realise
that life's getting better and better
and i'm back in the game.
i just cant wait for sch to start
to face that devil.
cos this academic year. i'm gona own it.
i'm gona make it mine.
and you're so gona wish...

re:

understand this
i'm from mars
and you're from venus
you're new to this
while i've been seasoned by it
my actions were only reactions
prior to actions of urs
ignoring isn't cowardice
its what we call the cold turkey treatment
for the mistake you made
i was anticipating things to happen
and as such, they did
i have np in refreshing
back to how things were a long time ago
for i feel thats the best.
the rest is up to you.
and oh by the way, i noe who stranger2 is :)

:():

my parents said,
i look very skinny and shagged
am i going thru an emotional prob?
LOL. maybe its my beard
or maybe...

couldn sleep the whole night
my stomach felt like it was on fire
and that gave me time
to make my thoughts even heavier

things are way better now
and i'm really thankful
but although it's back
there's this jealousy.sorrow.anger
down in the depths of heart
at first i simply couldn comprehend why,
cos it was SO stupid of me to feel so
then it hit me yest.HARD.
that there's actually a grey spot
that i din realise
circulating around 2 issues
i don't noe why this is happening
but forgive me
cos i've understood
and now i just need to be understood
and the answers can simply be found
lying around in the past.
but still, i'm gona be the same
till the day u realise.
hopefully, i don't wear out :x


just like how,
you tempt a child by giving an ice cream
and then when it's about to eat it,
you grab it
and throw it away.


at that point of time
the everyday battles,
so i asked god for comfort
and when i was going to believe he did give me,
and it was time to rest
i realised he actually gave me another test
haha he's weird
but only he noes wad's best for me :)
take it with a smile
cos it's an opportunity for me to shine
and i've realised

just like fire,
from a distance they enjoy my heat
but when they get closer it gets too hot
they get burned
and then they leave.

my blanks

you don't noe who i am
you don't noe wad i've been thru
i'm trying my best to not hurt you
so leave while you can;

stop forcing ur ideas onto us
cos we have our own
we don't like being pushed around
we're musicians
not slaves to anyone
we have a world of our own
and clearly,
you're not part of it.

i've surrendered
but these emotions are getting the better of me
i can't think of my own happiness
cos sumhow everyone's happiness seem more imp now

this empty feeling
if only you knew how i really felt
if only i could tell you
how happy i was
if only
Sumone could fill in my blanks...

Kadri

KADRI GOPALNATH

One of the best saxaphone players alive.

With the ability to fuse carnatic music with western notes.

Amazing fusionist

And the song you're listening to now is one of his pieces.

It's actually the theme song of the movie DUET.

enjoy :)

The ONLY purpose of the human life is to realize GOD;

And what better way other than through music.

saturday

As my concerns for issues pertaining wordly and bodily matters
slowly fade away..
I feel my thirst for music and self-realisation grow stronger.
And what better time for the bhajan workshop to turn up.
Simply enriching. The answers and motivation that i've been seeking all given to me.
And how coincidental it was for the speaker to mention bhava (feeling) as an important aspect of music.
Cos my band's and MY personal motto for music is
Bhava Raaga Taala
which means devotion melody rhythm

i'm sorry hanuman, i shoud'nt have
just lost control.must have been the stress.will keep working at it.
as for u,it's nva gona be the same.
so i'm detached
and for that sumone.
i'm sorry i've been ignoring you.
but pls understand its for your best.

hello panda :)

i'm glad
the akwardness is over
and the ice is broken
but altho i'm suppose to be happy
cos i've got my bearship back
but then why am i... :(

Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back
And never moving forward so there'd never be a past

Love is such a beautiful thing
Something i admire so much,
but then why does it spark so much of
jealousy, hatred, anger, sorrow
when i hear ppl share with me their love for sumone else

maybe its cos of the betrayal...

Funny,
I can't seem to apply the advices I give to others onto myself

I pray,
For the strength to fight on
And to stay focused
For the wounds to heal quick
And for that hopefully,
An angel would have been born
Just for me
to unlock wad's in my heart
and to show me what i have truly never experienced
But to be honest,
I’m not counting on it :)

fuzion

Have i told you guys,

how much i LOVE fusion music

Nitin Sawhney. Jagjit singh. Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan

Ravi Shankar. Zakir Hussein. John Mclaughlin. Shankar Mahadevan

Mahavishnu Orchestra. Remember the shakti. Hurricane

the song i've put in my blog is called Om Namah shivaya

its a reggae fusion, one of my favs

done by Apache indian

he's the shitz :D

the light

When you desire something,
Put your heart mind and soul into it
I did :)
And now hopefully, things are changing
But I pray the light won't betray me..

A brush with my past,
a walk down memory lane
things that i don't want to remember or think abt
Altho it really can't phase me
I admit this lil fear inside
but that's cos..she's not really by my side

detached

my mom
terrible outburst today
admire my dad's patience
but this is why i strongly feel
that woman were given the position MOTHER as a gift from god
and they shouldn screw it up becoming aspiring millionaire businesswoman
like my mom

i dont and can't blame u or anyone
cos its like a curse put on me
even if i don't do anything
somehow something will screw up
and pull me far away
afraid to say anything more
just need some time alone

but maybe, HE's teaching me the art of
detachment...

fire

something happened in the morn today

something that sparked the anger in me to burst

it's affecting me so very badly

i'm in alot of pain, my head hurts

but i dont understand why

and 4 hrs of playing the tabla is not helping

it's always been YOU and THEM

but now slowly i feel the ME creep in

can't help but to feel selfish

i'm starting to realize how manupilative and ignorant ppl can be

angers me

had enuff of excuses

open ur mouth

it's time u choose

cos i swear im super super super pist

sharon's line got cut

logan's leaving tmr

and soon so will vashi

warmth in solitude i need...

300

AWESOME

Had fun rekha :)

after such a loooooong wait

finally haha

but was worth it.

Hanuman Jayanthi

Yatra Yatra Raghunath Kirtanam Tatra Tatra Krita Mastaka anjalim Bashpawari Pari purna lochanam Marutim nammascha rakshas antakam
Which means:
That wherever the deeds of Sri Rama are sung, At all such places does Hanuman cry tears of devotion and joy, At all such places does his presence remove the fear of demons.

For the anjadis ( indian gangsters who ruin the indian culture) it was panguni.

But for us spiritually inclineds, it was Hanuman Jayanthi.

And ofcos, hanuman being my strength and my exemplary role model, was a day to cherish.

Had to go all the way to Katong to play for prayers from 1.30 to 6.

And repeating the same song for 1008 times. -.-

But in the end it was worth it cos it was for HIM.

Plus it taught me a good lesson. To achieve something, you have to practice

over and over and over and over and under and over and over again. :)

Plus, i've decided that from today onwards, to add some VALUE into my blogs, rather than just ranting about my day;

I shall add a quote or a piece of information that i come across on that day together with my entry for the day.

Today's quote: ( I got it from the temple i visited today)

A begger who gives and expects nothing,

Is much richer than a wealthy miser who keeps all to himself.